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How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

If you are considering exchanging personal vows during your wedding ceremony, you are not alone. One-third of couples write their own vows. But what if you are not good at expressing your feelings? Let’s face it. We aren’t all word poets!

We have a few tips to help you create the perfect vows that will make your fiancé’s heart melt. But even if these tips don’t get the words flowing, never fear. Read on, because we have a solution for you that will definitely solve your vow-writing woes!

What Tone Are You Aiming For?

It may be helpful to decide on the tone of your vows before you compose them. Do you want your vows to be romantic? Humorous? Touching? A combination? It’s all up to you.

Most couples don’t share their personal vows with each other before the wedding, so if that’s the situation with you and your fiancé, I suggest that you touch base with your beloved and see if your vows will be similar in tone. It may be a bit awkward if one is pledging to be there through the ages while the other is promising not to leave the toilet seat up.

How Long Should Your Vows Be?

If it matters to you, you can also get on the same page with the length of the vows. If you’d rather not discuss it with your fiancé just yet, you can agree to separately and privately send your vows to your officiant to get their opinion and compare the length. While there is no wrong way to recite your vows, it could be embarrassing if one spouse shares vows that are 10 pages long and the other shares just 10 words. 

More Tips For Writing Your Own Vows

    • Unless you are eloping and the ceremony will just include the two of you (in that case go as crazy as you like!), you will be sharing your feelings with an audience. Get too wordy and you will bore them and lose their attention. Choose words and thoughts that have deep meaning and will be memorable, both for you and your fiance, as well as your wedding guests. 
    • Keep the content lighthearted but meaningful. Remember though, that it is usually best to keep the humor to a modest minimum. It’s great to get a chuckle out of the audience, but it is not the primary objective. 
    • Work on getting to the heart of what it means to you to marry this person. Remember that this is not a love letter, but a series of promises. That doesn’t mean you can’t throw in some of the reasons you love your fiance. By all means, do, if that is something you want to do. But keep the non-promises to a minimum, while focusing on what you are vowing to do.
    • Practice so that you can recite while looking into your partner’s eyes comfortably. One to two minutes is ideal and is much longer than it sounds. No one expects you to memorize your vows. Reading them is absolutely fine, but if you practice reading, two things will happen. First, you will feel much more comfortable on the big day and you will be less likely to stumble over the words. And second, you will know the words well enough that you will be able to easily look up while reading to actually look at your fiance at least once or twice. To be able to look into your fiance’s eyes and smile will make it all that much more personal and special.
    • Sometimes only one of you wants to share their vows. Perhaps one of you is more reserved and doesn’t want to. No need to fret! It is perfectly acceptable for only one spouse to share their vows. The other can simply say “I love you” afterward, and the ceremony moves on. You set the rules! 
    • Lastly, have FUN. Weddings are meant to carry a deep meaning but you should also have fun in the process. At the end of the day, these are your vows. Do what is authentic to you. You could write a poem, a song, or rap if that is what means the most to you. Vows should reflect you, especially at the moment when you are making promises to your future spouse.

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Donna Lynn

Donna Lynn is a light-hearted, non-boring San Diego officiant, experienced with elopements, weddings, vow renewals, and hand-fastings. LGBTQ+ and diversity aligned.

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